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Literature Text
Time unravels – it's a fact of life. The words kept resonating in her mind as her stare traced the edges of the expensive NARS blush on marking her cheeks and the Sephora eyeliner that had been applied so precisely…
"Why do you go out with those boys? They are a bad lot! You-!"
"What the hell do you know you hag-"
"Watch your tongue, I am your mother! What if the gang takes you in an empty parking lot-"
"And what? Rape me?"
"With those vulgar things you wear, yes!"
"This is called brand, woman! You are an old ignorant lady, sewing mufflers for her daughter that she hates to wear; it's pathetic!"
"Is trying to protect you pathetic-"
"Yes it is! I just wish I had a better mother than you"
"A better mother? Better than one who prays for yo-"
"Yea, yea not listening!"
"You think you can do a better job than me the way you are?"
"Much better thank you, but I hope you are not alive to see!"
Charlotte's mother went silent. She broke into tears at the final statement, openly wailing as she witnessed through flooded eyes, her daughter's scowl. Finally she took a shaky breath:
"I might not be there Charlotte but remember, time unravels – it's a fact of life"
…smudged by the tears around wide open eyes, the MAC Mattene lipstick smeared across her whole face, giving her a mocking clown look; grinning, while hanging from the rope tied to the fan on one end and to her neck on the other. Her dress too was a mess; the branded mini skirt she was wearing was falling off as if torn by sheer force. Her black corset loosened and tugged on, worn out at places as if thrashed around.
Behind Charlotte's daughter's swinging body, on the computer screen played a video of several boys forcing a girl… Charlotte's girl… but all she could hear was…
Can you do a better job… much better… time unravels… for it is a fact of life
"Why do you go out with those boys? They are a bad lot! You-!"
"What the hell do you know you hag-"
"Watch your tongue, I am your mother! What if the gang takes you in an empty parking lot-"
"And what? Rape me?"
"With those vulgar things you wear, yes!"
"This is called brand, woman! You are an old ignorant lady, sewing mufflers for her daughter that she hates to wear; it's pathetic!"
"Is trying to protect you pathetic-"
"Yes it is! I just wish I had a better mother than you"
"A better mother? Better than one who prays for yo-"
"Yea, yea not listening!"
"You think you can do a better job than me the way you are?"
"Much better thank you, but I hope you are not alive to see!"
Charlotte's mother went silent. She broke into tears at the final statement, openly wailing as she witnessed through flooded eyes, her daughter's scowl. Finally she took a shaky breath:
"I might not be there Charlotte but remember, time unravels – it's a fact of life"
…smudged by the tears around wide open eyes, the MAC Mattene lipstick smeared across her whole face, giving her a mocking clown look; grinning, while hanging from the rope tied to the fan on one end and to her neck on the other. Her dress too was a mess; the branded mini skirt she was wearing was falling off as if torn by sheer force. Her black corset loosened and tugged on, worn out at places as if thrashed around.
Behind Charlotte's daughter's swinging body, on the computer screen played a video of several boys forcing a girl… Charlotte's girl… but all she could hear was…
Can you do a better job… much better… time unravels… for it is a fact of life
Literature
It's All Been Arranged
The place is pretty rundown. One small, dirty fan light—an insect graveyard—provides the only source of light in the room. It casts a dim light on the piles of hoarded junk that line the bare concrete walls; they've been pushed to the side just for us. But junk or no junk, there's a surprising amount of space in here, even with the king-sized bed that stands in the room's center. It's almost an inviting sight after today's events, despite its broken springs and mystery stains. Sure it's not the honeymoon suite I'd been hoping for, but considering our honeymoon funds were "borrowed" for today's wedding, it's a miracle my husband
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Leaves Only Fall In September- Chapter 1
Dear Diary….
They say leaves only fall during the fall. But that's the worst lie ever. I've seen leaves wither and fall before, at any times a year, it's not just happening during the winter, oh god how are people naïve to think so. During the whole summer, this leaf have blossomed, lived as happily as it could on the edge of that branch on the big and green oak tree. But the leaf suddenly became sick and brown, way too soon, and at last it was so brown and dry, that it let go from the branch, and parachuted slowly down to the ground in lazy spirals. My dad is that leaf. He used to be the most active man I could ever imagine in my
Literature
Ballad of the Broken Butterflies
*Chorus: Sleeping with a knife living with the pain. will these broken souls ever be the same? would you lend a hand to those who've fallen down? could you even speak for those who can not make a sound?*
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~This mask she wears is growing thin
very few can see the hell she is in
Stop crushing her with lies
they watch her as she cries... not even asking why
Slient cries fill the night
Listen to the painful cries of the broken butterflies
(Chorus*)
Little boy on his own. looking for someone to help him home.
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A child always questions a mothers choice, her preference, her decisions. They are unable to understand why she does what she does. Children grow old to realize the "why" and more or less accept the words of their mothers as words of wisdom.
BUT... for those who do not realize? This is their fate.
For those who take out the time to critique on this piece:
1. Is the story clear over what happens?
2. Is the separate portioned style better?
3. Does the names of brands add a negative or positive touch to the work?
4. Does it have any emotional value?
5. Is the Dialogue well written? If not then please add recommendations.
6. General comments.
BUT... for those who do not realize? This is their fate.
For those who take out the time to critique on this piece:
1. Is the story clear over what happens?
2. Is the separate portioned style better?
3. Does the names of brands add a negative or positive touch to the work?
4. Does it have any emotional value?
5. Is the Dialogue well written? If not then please add recommendations.
6. General comments.
Comments51
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1. It is quite clear as to what happens.
2. I do like this piece and it's current layout.
3. I don't think you need to give each name a brand, perhaps simply call them designer?
4. For me, it could have had more emotional value. I really didn't feel too badly for the daughter at the end, though I should have. Perhaps a lead up to the final act would help that.
5. The dialogue is written well enough for my liking.
6. Overall, I think if you spent some time adding in a lead-up to the final point in the piece - namely the suicide - it would tie things together a bit more. Perhaps show the daughter or mother discovering the video, becoming sickened and then follow with the description of the final act.