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Literature Text
A thousand words I mustered
each word for you, more eloquent then the last.
A thousand breaths I breathed
each breath carrying my aching life unto your mast.
A thousand whispers I spread
each whisper conveying my lovers delight.
Unto you, do I bequeath my lover’s delight.
A thousand gems I mined
each gem tumbled, compared to your elegance.
A thousand cloths I refined
each cloth aches for the fair maidens tread.
A thousand roses I pursued
each rose anxious to home in your locks.
Strained - anxious to home in your locks.
A thousand songs I crafted
each song to clothe you in fine praise.
A thousand tears departed
each tear in remembrance of your face.
A thousand prayers I prayed
just to witness the bliss of being in your grace.
What more can I ask than to be in your grace?
A thousand days I waited
each day brimming hope in a hopeless heart.
A thousand burdens I weighted
each burden failing in shredding my love apart.
A thousand miles I distanced
each mile devouring upon my weariness.
For no distance can be conquered by my weariness.
Yet on the day our souls collide,
with a single utterance do you shatter
the thousand dreams that I had dreamed
just to be in your grace.
each word for you, more eloquent then the last.
A thousand breaths I breathed
each breath carrying my aching life unto your mast.
A thousand whispers I spread
each whisper conveying my lovers delight.
Unto you, do I bequeath my lover’s delight.
A thousand gems I mined
each gem tumbled, compared to your elegance.
A thousand cloths I refined
each cloth aches for the fair maidens tread.
A thousand roses I pursued
each rose anxious to home in your locks.
Strained - anxious to home in your locks.
A thousand songs I crafted
each song to clothe you in fine praise.
A thousand tears departed
each tear in remembrance of your face.
A thousand prayers I prayed
just to witness the bliss of being in your grace.
What more can I ask than to be in your grace?
A thousand days I waited
each day brimming hope in a hopeless heart.
A thousand burdens I weighted
each burden failing in shredding my love apart.
A thousand miles I distanced
each mile devouring upon my weariness.
For no distance can be conquered by my weariness.
Yet on the day our souls collide,
with a single utterance do you shatter
the thousand dreams that I had dreamed
just to be in your grace.
Literature
Learn To Be Strong
This is normally the time when the tears come
When the words hurt and the bruises sting
But little did they know you have grown inside
Now you are immune to their bullying
The chances are that they may have suffered too
But this is no reason to be so vile
Now you’re twelve angry men finding them guilty
Of stealing your taut, tremulous smile
This is normally the time when you tremble
Huddle yourself up into a ball
But the only spherical shape they’ll be seeing
Is the flail as it maims and appals
The chances are that you will shatter their skull
And with that become as bad as them
Where were their morals when you were the victim?
Literature
I Was In A Bad Place
I’ll indite my crude and clumsy rhymes
From my place in the pitch dark
And will wait all night if needs must
For that one creative spark
That will manifest thoughts in my mind
Into a charged lightning bolt
Strike my memories, open my wounds
And let writing be my salt
So cut me and see the metaphors
Floating around my blood stream
Pour salt on the literal lesions
To punctuate my primal scream
As painful at first as the memory
But after the initial sting
Wounds will heel, leaving only scars
Numbness replaces everything
This lack of feeling is temporary
As a writer I live for the pain
Of opening up new abrasions
To keep me lucid and sa
Literature
I Was Not Here
I skilfully avoid all of the questions
About my fragile state of mind
I wonder how anyone could locate me
When I was never here to find
Maybe I only exist in conversations
Filled with the conceit of hindsight
But it’s too late to drop the gun to the table
With the bullets already in flight
I skilfully avoid feelings of happiness
It seems more of an effort to smile
A shadow was permanently cast over me
Just like the face of a sundial
Maybe I only exist as a silhouette
A vague outline that’s lost in time
Is it too late for me to turn away from my woes
And show my face to the sunshine?
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This is a work written for the contest of 
.
I wrote it on spot but that does not make me say that critique it keeping that information in mind. I wrote it simple and expressive. Not much mysteries or aspect of sorrow that many of my works portray.
Though I have not been in love, I do wonder what the people who have experienced the feeling, are willing to do for a loved one. This poem is an embodiment of that perspective of mine.
For those who are kind enough to critique:
1. Did you enjoy the work?
2. Did the flow seem natural or did the expressions feel painfully forced together?
3. Did the analogies, limit of love work well or did it feel like random, unproductive ramble?
4. Did the ending go well?
5. General comments.
Thank you!
Edit: I have changed the line "A thousand dreams I dreamed" in the third stanza to "A thousand prayers I prayed" so that it does not conflict with the ending. That is the only change. Does it seem fine?
.I wrote it on spot but that does not make me say that critique it keeping that information in mind. I wrote it simple and expressive. Not much mysteries or aspect of sorrow that many of my works portray.
Though I have not been in love, I do wonder what the people who have experienced the feeling, are willing to do for a loved one. This poem is an embodiment of that perspective of mine.
For those who are kind enough to critique:
1. Did you enjoy the work?
2. Did the flow seem natural or did the expressions feel painfully forced together?
3. Did the analogies, limit of love work well or did it feel like random, unproductive ramble?
4. Did the ending go well?
5. General comments.
Thank you!
Edit: I have changed the line "A thousand dreams I dreamed" in the third stanza to "A thousand prayers I prayed" so that it does not conflict with the ending. That is the only change. Does it seem fine?
Comments85
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Overall Vision
Originality Technique Impact1. Did you enjoy the work?
Yes, yes I did. I was kicking myself for not reading it earlier.
2. Did the flow seem natural or did the expressions feel painfully forced together?
Only at the first repeating line did I go "Wait..." but when I read the next verse and it made sense.
3. Did the analogies, limit of love work well or did it feel like random, unproductive ramble?
It sounded as if the speaker was talking of someone far away, out of reach, and perhaps out of love for them. Or maybe someone they hadn't met yet but were dreaming of.
4. Did the ending go well?
Sounded like death, actually, and not in a bad way. I thought this person either died to meet them or met them by chance, as if it were a dream before.
5. General comments.
I very much enjoyed this. I am going to show it to a friend of mine who would enjoy it as well and try to convince her to become a deviant, though she is also one of the people trying to convince me to get a Facebook so it might not go as planned...