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Devious Literature by Michel-le-fou

Literature by NekoWolf95

World through the words by SuperGirlSwag


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Submitted on
September 12, 2012
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1.9 KB
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323
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35

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Creative Commons License
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Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
×
The tale began with my trudge down the road.
Hidden faces piercing me; were I some sort of a show?
But I was broken, broken within my heart.
And so I realized too late,
but even before I could have realized, my glasses broke.

If I were to wear them,
would appear the people,
who imitated my friends.
But sculptures too erode; they're nothing anymore,
through my broken glasses.

I once sensed the feel,
were I lost in lost spaces;
for them I wasn't even real.
Nothing more I'll be, they still jeer at me,
while I wear broken glasses.

She did love me once,
such long time ago,
when times were not tense.
But breaking a pledge? That I shall never forget
while I wear broken glasses.

But still rose those whispers "It was you who never knew them"
Then I realized that all I see, I realized all I feel
is not reality; for hidden was the truth within.
Within the faces piercing,
for I saw these faces after my glasses broke.

In truth were they true friends,
merry tunes in silence of grief,
but late it is for amends!
The eroding gale, to see, I failed,
with my broken glasses.

Their wait was for one man,
one reminiscing recalled;
an old friend, a companion.
But I misjudged their smiles for scorn,
through my broken glasses.

Her love was so true,
only had I accepted,
alas I was cruel!
Am I even worth to be loved,
with my broken glasses?

The tale ended, when I had passed the road.
No stares pulling on me, as if I were all alone.
But I was broken, broken within my heart.
And so I realized too late;
that I should have taken off my glasses when my glasses broke.
This is one of the first songs that I wrote and it is about a person who percieves things in a diffrent light due to what he speaks of as, Broken Glasses.

This is realization and sadness combined and has great depth but it totally depends on the reader whether he percieves this or not.

For This work I would REALLY want some critiques:

1. Did you enjoy the poem/song? If yes, then why, if no then why?

2. Did this sound more like a poem with fine rhyming/meter/form or felt better as a song?

3. Most important question What did broken glasses mean to you?

4. General comments.

Thank you!
Add a Comment:
 
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Something Simon and Garfunkel would have been happy to sing about.

But then again, they had "The Sound of Silence" so I can't complain :)
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you... for your opinion though... eh ^^; I didn't get that :D
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Its subtle.

This poem reminded me of Simon and Garfunkel. "The Sound of Silence". If you've seen Watchmen, its played when the comedian's being buried. Its really really good.
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ah Then thank you Sir :bow:
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:) *bows*
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:iconirelelengar:
IrelElengar Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012  Student Writer
I think it sounded like it could be a song, but still like a poem too. To me, this is what the broken glasses would mean: that I'm trapped behind my own pain, that I can't see what others see, that I don't know how to help myself because I can't even recognize the fact that I need help till it's too late. That was my impression. I really like it!
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for your critique over the work :huggle: I really appreciate it! And I am really glad about the interpretation you told me. The fact that many people don't realize that they need help is what pains me. They keep denying it till... yes it is too late. Again, thank you for your feedback!
Reply
:iconirelelengar:
IrelElengar Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012  Student Writer
You're welcome. :)
Reply
:iconpuddingvalkyrie:
PuddingValkyrie Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
1. Did you enjoy the poem/song? If yes, then why, if no then why?

Yes I did, but.. after line 2 it felt like it was going to rhyme and then it didn't, that threw me off a bit. I liked it because it turned out to be not quite what the reader first expected and was a nice sort of lesson...

2. Did this sound more like a poem with fine rhyming/meter/form or felt better as a song?

I think it felt better as a song.

3. Most important question What did broken glasses mean to you?

It meant the way the subject saw the world... he was looking at the world through a 'cracked vision' that was nothing to do with any kind of eyewear... he saw evil and betrayal where there was none, and only realised later that this was the case. Sometimes something can happen to 'break our glasses' and we start to see only bad things in the world.. maybe we're having a bad day, maybe our trust was betrayed.. but we need to cast those off so that we don't miss the good things right in front of us or even worse, mistake them for evil...

4. General comments.
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much for the in depth critique :huggle: I am really grateful for it :heart: I am personally glad that it sounded better as a song since it is intended to be a song.

I am also glad that you grasped well the concpet of broken glasses. That is just what I meant. Also you don't have to stress so hard to comment on my works :tighthug: I am happy with you just being there ^^
Reply
:iconpuddingvalkyrie:
PuddingValkyrie Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I understand how hard it is to get feedback (getting reviews when you are a new author is like pulling teeth!) so I try to read an comment, although sometimes I don't have anything useful to say, so in that case I don't..
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It actually is quite hard :hmm: I am lucky enough to have many watchers at the moment any many people are kind enough to critique but to be honest... yea it is hard :( but it is not if you have something useful to say... it is your opinion over the content. In my case, just the fact that you understand my work is in itself a great critique :D
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:iconaussie-roo-boy:
Aussie-Roo-Boy Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Very good deep and meaningful piece mate, the use of broken glasses to establish the protaganist unable to see cleary at what is truly transpiring. This though lengthy I reckon would work into quite a emotional song if fine tuned a bit but all in all a very good piece and really got me to read and look into every line. Well done mate, though sad it's still a wonderfull piece of literature :3
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much for the feedback! I really appreciate it!

I am glad that you took in the purpose of the work. It was actually a song with a soft (seemingly right) tune to it which I wrote as a poem. I have written quite some songs.

Thank you for your appreciation :hug:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Broken glasses- not seeing the world through proper eyes, making mistakes because you couldn't see things properly

I think this definitely comes off more as a poem than a song. It's very lengthy to be a song.
I liked it, though. It told a good story :)
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for reading it and giving your feedback ^^ You are right about the broken glasses and I see... Other than the story, did it come off well? As a work?
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It definitely had a narrative feel to it. Well told, not my favorite by you, though. I really love more interpretive pieces.
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ah okay :nod: I do think though that it is yet my most interpretive work.
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:icondarcym123:
DarcyM123 Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012
The eternal sad story. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much for reading through it and your feedback ^^
Reply
:icondarkallegiance666:
darkallegiance666 Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2012
Broken glasses mean to me - poor vision, short sightedness, astigmatism - so I can't see well - only blurs.

It works well as a poem. I also find it to be a sad poem. The person with the broken glasses is very unhappy, with a broken heart & past disappointments. He or she is very self-conscious about other people, and a little alienated, I think.

It's a sad poem, but a good one.
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much for the critique and for reading through :huggle: yes, that is what broken glasses meant. If I were to state it directlty, broken glasses is the perspective a person wears in which everything is blurred and and he is unable to realize the truth.
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:icondarkallegiance666:
darkallegiance666 Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2012
Yes, that makes a lot of sense. :)
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Long :P
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Long? And in what sense may I ask?
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Long because I have to read it?!
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:O
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I don't like reading long stuff, I'll take a look at it later when I'm up for it :P

Right now, its on a "to be critique" list NOT on dA
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It is long :hmm: your concepts really are twisting :(
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
When were they ever a linear function?
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yup... when you were born :aww:
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(1 Reply)
:iconsupergirlswag:
SuperGirlSwag Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
i liked it
it gave me some kinda feeling like I see things when I don't wear my contact lenses... I mean I see something but it's blurred has no shape no details...

sometimes we see things perfectly but still can't see what's behind it

sorry it's just my point of view... and plus sorry for my poor english(
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for giving your opinion over the topic! I am glad that you liked it and it has a deep meaning but you are right in many ways :nod: thank you for sharing this :huggle:
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:iconsupergirlswag:
SuperGirlSwag Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
always welcome!
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