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Submitted on
September 12, 2012
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The tale began with my trudge down the road.
Hidden faces piercing me; were I some sort of a show?
But I was broken, broken within my heart.
And so I realized too late,
but even before I could have realized, my glasses broke.

If I were to wear them,
would appear the people,
who imitated my friends.
But sculptures too erode; they're nothing anymore,
through my broken glasses.

I once sensed the feel,
were I lost in lost spaces;
for them I wasn't even real.
Nothing more I'll be, they still jeer at me,
while I wear broken glasses.

She did love me once,
such long time ago,
when times were not tense.
But breaking a pledge? That I shall never forget
while I wear broken glasses.

But still rose those whispers "It was you who never knew them"
Then I realized that all I see, I realized all I feel
is not reality; for hidden was the truth within.
Within the faces piercing,
for I saw these faces after my glasses broke.

In truth were they true friends,
merry tunes in silence of grief,
but late it is for amends!
The eroding gale, to see, I failed,
with my broken glasses.

Their wait was for one man,
one reminiscing recalled;
an old friend, a companion.
But I misjudged their smiles for scorn,
through my broken glasses.

Her love was so true,
only had I accepted,
alas I was cruel!
Am I even worth to be loved,
with my broken glasses?

The tale ended, when I had passed the road.
No stares pulling on me, as if I were all alone.
But I was broken, broken within my heart.
And so I realized too late;
that I should have taken off my glasses when my glasses broke.
This is one of the first songs that I wrote and it is about a person who percieves things in a diffrent light due to what he speaks of as, Broken Glasses.

This is realization and sadness combined and has great depth but it totally depends on the reader whether he percieves this or not.

For This work I would REALLY want some critiques:

1. Did you enjoy the poem/song? If yes, then why, if no then why?

2. Did this sound more like a poem with fine rhyming/meter/form or felt better as a song?

3. Most important question What did broken glasses mean to you?

4. General comments.

Thank you!
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Something Simon and Garfunkel would have been happy to sing about.

But then again, they had "The Sound of Silence" so I can't complain :)
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you... for your opinion though... eh ^^; I didn't get that :D
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Its subtle.

This poem reminded me of Simon and Garfunkel. "The Sound of Silence". If you've seen Watchmen, its played when the comedian's being buried. Its really really good.
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ah Then thank you Sir :bow:
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:) *bows*
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:iconirelelengar:
IrelElengar Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012  Student Writer
I think it sounded like it could be a song, but still like a poem too. To me, this is what the broken glasses would mean: that I'm trapped behind my own pain, that I can't see what others see, that I don't know how to help myself because I can't even recognize the fact that I need help till it's too late. That was my impression. I really like it!
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for your critique over the work :huggle: I really appreciate it! And I am really glad about the interpretation you told me. The fact that many people don't realize that they need help is what pains me. They keep denying it till... yes it is too late. Again, thank you for your feedback!
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:iconirelelengar:
IrelElengar Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012  Student Writer
You're welcome. :)
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:iconpuddingvalkyrie:
PuddingValkyrie Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
1. Did you enjoy the poem/song? If yes, then why, if no then why?

Yes I did, but.. after line 2 it felt like it was going to rhyme and then it didn't, that threw me off a bit. I liked it because it turned out to be not quite what the reader first expected and was a nice sort of lesson...

2. Did this sound more like a poem with fine rhyming/meter/form or felt better as a song?

I think it felt better as a song.

3. Most important question What did broken glasses mean to you?

It meant the way the subject saw the world... he was looking at the world through a 'cracked vision' that was nothing to do with any kind of eyewear... he saw evil and betrayal where there was none, and only realised later that this was the case. Sometimes something can happen to 'break our glasses' and we start to see only bad things in the world.. maybe we're having a bad day, maybe our trust was betrayed.. but we need to cast those off so that we don't miss the good things right in front of us or even worse, mistake them for evil...

4. General comments.
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much for the in depth critique :huggle: I am really grateful for it :heart: I am personally glad that it sounded better as a song since it is intended to be a song.

I am also glad that you grasped well the concpet of broken glasses. That is just what I meant. Also you don't have to stress so hard to comment on my works :tighthug: I am happy with you just being there ^^
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