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This is my first proper Haiku (if I have incorrect syllable count please tell!) and it is an entry for the scratch that contest hosted by 
in which the form was Haiku and the theme was bondage. Just for elaboration, this work is a subtle expression of bondage. It can be taken both as a servant of old working late night for a master as well as a general Mistress/Master slave relationship. I don't want to impose any of the meanings and would hope that you tell which interpretation did you feel more prominent. I am personally not happy over the the form and theme... but I think I pulled off well enough! But I will let the readers decide.
For people who are kind enough to critique:
1. Did the theme of Bondage "shine" through?
2. What meaning was it that you inferred from this?
3. Of what quality was it in terms of Haiku?
4. General comments (and correction if syllable count of 5-7-5 is messed).
Thank you!
Well I think I will keep the first Haiku and until I find someone to give the second one to, I will make it another deviation. While I had a problem with the rating or perhaps the perspectives over the title in some critiques, I am grateful for them as well as for all the comments and I won't lie when I say that I kept everyone's thought in mind when making my decision. I will also say that I would love critical critiques on other works as well
although perhaps I should make the "controversial" works unavailable for critiques since mostly the critique is about the theme... and while I love discussions, I don't prefer them affecting the rating 
nevertheless, all thank you for all opinions and more critiques and thoughts are always welcome!
in which the form was Haiku and the theme was bondage. Just for elaboration, this work is a subtle expression of bondage. It can be taken both as a servant of old working late night for a master as well as a general Mistress/Master slave relationship. I don't want to impose any of the meanings and would hope that you tell which interpretation did you feel more prominent. I am personally not happy over the the form and theme... but I think I pulled off well enough! But I will let the readers decide.For people who are kind enough to critique:
1. Did the theme of Bondage "shine" through?
2. What meaning was it that you inferred from this?
3. Of what quality was it in terms of Haiku?
4. General comments (and correction if syllable count of 5-7-5 is messed).
Thank you!
Well I think I will keep the first Haiku and until I find someone to give the second one to, I will make it another deviation. While I had a problem with the rating or perhaps the perspectives over the title in some critiques, I am grateful for them as well as for all the comments and I won't lie when I say that I kept everyone's thought in mind when making my decision. I will also say that I would love critical critiques on other works as well
although perhaps I should make the "controversial" works unavailable for critiques since mostly the critique is about the theme... and while I love discussions, I don't prefer them affecting the rating nevertheless, all thank you for all opinions and more critiques and thoughts are always welcome!Comments91
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Overall
Vision Originality Technique ImpactI'll skip your questions and get straight to the point about these haikus.
For starters they're a complete contrast from the usual long poems and quartets that I associate with your works - a refreshing aspect, and a little more... imaginative than the "six word stories" that you have written.
In my opinion, adding both side by side was a good decision on your part - I like the contrast made with the two placed; but, sadly, its more along the humorous lines.
The first haiku comes along more like:
Sweetheart I love you and now we will take on the world and there is nothing that stands in our way
While immediately later it turns around and goes:
Shut the hell up, slave; you're my property - now bend down and take it like a man
Let me put it another way:
King Julian, King Julian, You are my everything! - moments later - Spank me, King Julian! Spank me!
... to quote you, its creepy... its like the two just went all out on each other while notwitstanding the fact that they took a bond with each other (probably till death, which I hope was not your intention) and it is probably not for the greater good.
Keeping in mind the basic instructions of haiku, it does fit in fine - having said that, the both combined are the most suggestive works that you could have possibly written. Kudos for originality there, I was expecting originality but not to the extent as shown here.
In the end, the final score:
Vision - because of the theme that is presented by you.
Impact - because of the way I wound up taking it at face value.
Originality and Technique - because it is unique that is written, while it is presented well.
Good enough. please try writing something else next time.