Okay so I am sorry... I was trying to (and did accomplish as well) write happy works, works that are inspirational or perhaps less depressing ones but I just had to get this work off me. Initially the number was different but then I figured that children would pick up bigger numbers. I don't really see much mistakes in the work and while I am no longer a child, I hope the dialogues didn't feel out of place. It has also been quite some time since I last wrote prose so I hope this works fine.
It is in a way, a prose version of the work
The promise you madeThe breeze so cold; carrier of the sorrowful tiding;
Wingless Angels were we, yet my heart felt like gliding.
The steepness of your eyes, the endowed visage,
outshining the splendor of nature's foliage
Words wedged in the throat, too shy to be eloquent.
Thus I replied with a smile, yet happiness... distant.
I sighed, a deep slumbering sound, complimenting a tear
for reality had realized my worst nightmare.
Oh the days spent moseying through dense shrubs,
by the beauty of the summer spring where dwell the cherubs.
Oh we shared twice the sorrow as we shared each others pain
yet our memoirs, our companionship let the pain not remai
and is also based on a totally different time era from that work but... well I think the two titles in themselves explain how the two works seem to be related. And while some debate may arise over the ages of the two that could be inferred from both works being different, I am fine with it. I hope it sounds/hears as well as it sounds to me and that the reader is able to feel what I felt. Oh... I was just wondering; I don't have a really awesome title for this so if you have a better title in mind, do tell me
I have chosen the category as Fiction now, since... well it id not happen in real I guess. I still don't know where to put it though since there is no emotional or sad sub category in it but I guess I will have to live with it. Any advice is welcome
For those kind enough to critique:
1. Did you enjoy the work?
2. Was there any impact?
3. Did the addition of ellipses add a better effect (as compared to there being a few)?
4. General comments
Thank you for reading!