literature

The Maiden

Deviation Actions

NotenSMSK's avatar
By
Published:
1.3K Views

Literature Text

Once a being, just once to find,
she blossomed between the folds of time;
a maiden whom no words defined.
Her qualities, such were divine.
A rose which when expressed, would shine
with beauty, love; the words would rhyme
when seen as one, in one so fine.
Ones heart would melt and so did mine.
But life, it is true, was never kind,
to lives of beings like hers and mine.
For things do change, cocoons do split.
Mountains too, shall crush to grit.
Fate is what, none can escape.
Endowed it is; feel free to debate.
She lit in me, an unknown spark,
like fireflies, they spin, they dart,
fascinating the world and I,
Such were the wonders of her eyes.
But yearn as I might, might I cry,
Scream my heart, tear through the sky,
what's meant shall happen, no ado,
such brief a gaze, I never knew.
No words I held within I spoke.
Who knew she'd disappear like smoke.
And since that day, I feel that I am;
condemned for crimes committed by…
but wait am I one to decide?
What's right or wrong? Don't live in lies!
All that is allowed is hope and pray.
A maiden such won't fade away;
molding pain in memories;
that won't end till eternity.
But still I'm glad that I did find,
that girl untold in folds of time.
This is the poem that got me starting to writing properly. This was a message I typed on my mobile phone on the spot without any consideration. It is not a very outstanding work perhaps but I like it.
The preview image is the work of ~Achen089, used with her permission and she holds all rights over the image. THank you for letting me use it.

For those who wish to critique:

1. Does the rhyme feel right?

2. Does the flow work?

3. Is the story apparent?

4. Quality of the poem How much did you like it?

5 general comments.


thank you!
Comments62
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
slipcast-chrysalism's avatar
There is a very nice rhythmic flow to it. It's light on the head and an enjoyable read.  Good job! :) :clap: