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Submitted on
June 28, 2012
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537
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57

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He stares in a mirror through eyes clogging tears
a smirk persisting alongside; a dead, worthless sneer.
He stares hard yet recognizing not the man he sees
recognizing that man is a desperately elevated dream of his

He wonders if his deeds - reflected - are right
he betrayed his friends, he abandoned his wife
reasons always lurk in the pits of the mind
yet so dark? At times his cynical heart reclined.

He smiled on insults and laughed in disgrace
he knew not what he was so he altered his face
with each turn and bend, with each traffic light
his face twist and turned, losing remnants of sight.

A con you could say, no one pronounced his name
he beamed when spat at; he felt no shame
He would pose a victim, he would express pain
he then shall betray that companion, again and again

Yet if one ponders with reason, the fault is not his;
not knowing purpose of life created what he is
so he adapts like the crops that adapt to the rain
all he does is adapt to what shall bring him gain

A corpse now remains, that is all one would see
zombie inviting chaos as if that was all he could be.
Yet he wishes to revert, if only one time
he could recognize in the mirror, the frightful mime

He stared deeper one last time but alas he could not solve the case
for all he saw in the mirror, was a man without a face.
:bulletyellow:Everyone should have a purpose of life. Unless a man defines it, he cannot decide on other actions of his, descsions of life move in a haphazard dance and eventually a person is just left as a corpse moving around.

:bulletyellow:A person who just takes any sort of gain and adapts to situations only for the sole purpose of finding the reason of his existence.

:bulletyellow:This work reflects such a man. A man who knows not who he is, a man without a face.

For those Kind enough to critique:

1. What sort of feelings do you have for the man?

2. Do you side with him in any way?

3. Over all, did the work make sense?

4. General comments.

Thank you!

P.S No, this is not slenderman or at least was in no way inspired by him.
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:iconcerealnovels:
cerealnovels Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2014
1. The man made me think of the monster in Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. He had potential for good but it got so twisted because his expectations weren't met. Physically he was a monster and then he became one in his soul. His appearance was no longer the real problem.
2. I did not side with him. but I did have pity for him.
3. Over all it did make sense.
5. It made me think. I appreciate the link you sent so I could read this. It is always cool to discover another's perspective and words.
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for answering the question and for the fav :hug:

That is a very interesting perspective! I like that! I honestly had something different in mind but that is the beauty of perspectives :)

Thus I will agree with you that perspectives are always interesting.
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm sorry for keeping this brief, but we've talked about this quite often. So... *shrug*


1. What sort of feelings do you have for the man?

I honestly don't know... I have yet to meet such a person... More often than not, they exist, yes; but they don't have anything which brings me towards them... I can't say what they're like...

2. Do you side with him in any way?

... Continuing from where I left off in the first, I've been there at times... I tend to wonder about whether the people I do care about, would help me in understanding what I am or who I am. And this isn't the past per say - this is just with reference to recent events that happened... I doubted myself, but I was surprised with the responses I got about me... often times, I felt awkward about what I think about myself.

That isn't to say I take spats easily, or that I'm just willing to change myself completely so that other people see a morbid disfigurement of an existence. For every time I show that annoying retarded side of myself, there have been occasions when I was sober, like I am often here on dA; then there were times when I just blew it... those were rare, but they left a mark; heck, one thing remained constant... the bluntness to be what I want to be when I felt like it...

so in a way... I think this man's doing what he feels is beneficial in his eyes.

3. Over all, did the work make sense?

Its a true story, isn't it *smiles*

And a general comment: 2. is that way because, this is how I think of it: people, for all they know and for all they're capable of, need to be guided. when they have no guidance, there're two choices they make: succumb and adapt, or strengthen and persevere. the man without a face is the former. Some of them, can become famous, but for all cases, they come out shallow after a point... you look down upon them and then you move on...

It is only, after they understand this cold fact... can they invariably change as people... can they be... better than the average fool or charlatan...
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This wasn't brief and sorry for having reached this comment of yours quite late. Am busy :stare:

You should know such people :hmm: I mean they are easy to recognize right?

Every person has such a side (usually). But when you lose sight of yourself, that is what is portrayed. When you have no likes and dislikes, when you don't feel what others don't want you to feel. That does not happen that often but mind me, it does happen.

Well it is sort of a true story and for some unknown reason your smile creeped me out and YES... I know creeped is not a word :B

Thank you for the comment :D
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:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
That, I understand.

Not exactly... they come out when you least expect it.

That, I'll keep in mind.

Pleh, why, I don't know.
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ah I see. btw... new work is up.
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I saw. I'll upload mine when I can manage :)
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Take your time... and your phones are off??
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
We talked =p
Reply
:iconlaeneris:
Laeneris Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012  Student Writer
:omg: I'm kind of speechless. It's written in such a way that it's very easy to read, but may require a second thought to truly understand (if one can ever understand poetry that's not their own work... :giggle:). I love the concept, the execution, everything!

Out of all your brilliant lines, this is by far my favourite:
he knew not what he was so he altered his face
:heart:
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much for your constructive comment :huggle: getting otehrs opinions help me a lot to improve my work :) I am glad that you enjoyed it so such extend! Like many of my ideas, the title just hit me and I thought "Man without a face... not a bad idea" and I sat down... and jotted it out! Same goes for my latest work... which I wrote just now while studying for exams ^^;

I like the line that is your favorite in the work, it sort of covers the entire work in itself. Thank you again :huggle:
Reply
:iconlaeneris:
Laeneris Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012  Student Writer
Usually the best things are written like that, aren't they? :D It starts with a random sentence that gets stuck in your head, and then you weave something around it. At least that's how the things I made that I like most were written, heehee :D

So you've got exams too, huh? I should be studying for them, but here I am, reading poems. :giggle: Good luck! :salute:
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, the best things are :) I have perhaps only a small percent of the work I am truly proud of, on DA and most of them just... hit me... hard... and it hurt :tears:

At least the work "breathe" I read of yours... it really was breathtaking! Yup :) I have an exam in... 14 hours and I am too uninterested to go study for it ^^ you go study! That is just the way I am ^^; Good luck to you too!
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:iconlaeneris:
Laeneris Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012  Student Writer
I understand... :iconsadhugplz: That's to be expected, I mean, everything a writer writes comes from the heart, whether they realize it or not. I always think there's a piece of the writer in all the literature. :pat:

14 hours! Oh, so that's 8 from now... :nuu: Good luck anyway, who knows, you'll probably pass it anyway because you seem really smart. :D
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Eh ^^; I am not that smart despite the many expectations from me lol I think I will sleep for a couple of hours... drink coffee... pray I don't skip the exam and well... I will probably pass it without studying but I don't want to just "pass" it :D Good luck to you too ^^ :la: :la: :nuu: :la: :la:
Reply
:iconlaeneris:
Laeneris Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012  Student Writer
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to demand anything from you! :nuu: And thank you. 1 day remaining. :stare: (Dawn of the final day, I wonder if you'll get that?)
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
lol you are too sweet ^^ you didn't demand anything from me and perhaps it refers to... one day before exam :D
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(1 Reply)
:iconespada-kitsuki:
Espada-Kitsuki Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
... well, I know this is pretty deep, but...

REMINDS ME OF SLENDER MAN. :iconslenderplz:

Great work!
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much for your opinion though I do not know slender man ^^; and thank you for the favorite :)
Reply
:iconespada-kitsuki:
Espada-Kitsuki Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Ohh, well, Slender is a game you can download on the internet for free... I can introduce you to the Slender Man here. [link]
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I will check him out although I am unable to view videos on youtube at the moment ^^;
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:iconespada-kitsuki:
Espada-Kitsuki Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Ooh, I see... problems with computer?
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
net problem yea :(
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:iconfiyerotigelaar:
FiyeroTigelaar Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This does kind of remind me of my poem.....very well done, I like this a lot
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I am glad that you like it ^^
Reply
:iconmagic6jewls:
magic6jewls Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2012  Student Writer
It is rare to see a poem that works on two levels. One is the story, and the other is the philosophical meaning behind the story. You made the two levels very obvious, and almost impossible to separate. A feat worth commending. Also, rhyming! I don't see this very often nowadays. But something feels off. I'm so sorry that I can't put my finger on it, but something feels wrong. Perhaps it's your pacing, maybe your diction, or it could be the story itself and... the information you chose to show us. It's hard to say. Ask a more experienced writer/reader, and maybe they'll be able to point out the problem. Dark, mysterious, and written with just the right tone, this poem is a great read. Continue writing!
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much for going through it and giving your opinion over this. Thank you for your words and appreciation!

And I can see where the problem may lie. The sentences are... sentences (I made some changes in hopes that it feels better) but at places it seems "prosey". That is what I felt (like in yet so dark? sometimes his very heart reclined

But thanks a lot for your time! I shall continue writing :) some other works of mine might also attract you but I would not recommend anything... it is up to you :)
Reply
:iconmagic6jewls:
magic6jewls Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2012  Student Writer
You're very welcome!

Hmm... That could be the problem. I read it over, and it feels a little bit better.

I wouldn't mind a recommendation. You could take a look at some of my stuff too. You know, trading critiques (if people do this sort of thing xD).
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Actually trading critiques would be really a good choice :) I like to give AND get in depth critiques. Since you critiqued first... you send me a recommendation :D then in return, I shall give you one :) hope it works (and you don't need to critique to get a critique xD just comment with your work on a journal of mine names "Critiques" :D )
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:iconmagic6jewls:
magic6jewls Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2012  Student Writer
[link]

This one may be of interest to you, and I want to improve it.
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
pfff... I am simply going to watch you for future works! And I will into this one :D
Reply
:iconmagic6jewls:
magic6jewls Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2012  Student Writer
I'm watching you too. Keeping an eye out for future works!
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I sure will :) can you, though look into this work of mine [link] would like to know if it keeps interest, induces emotions, is written well, and any other improvement.
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(1 Reply)
:iconpuzzledheartbox:
PuzzledHeartBox Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2012
I've featured you with this deviation, feel free to check it out on my profile page :)
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
yay :D thank you ^^
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:iconpuzzledheartbox:
PuzzledHeartBox Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2012
My pleasure ;D
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:iconxxcoryshieldsxx:
xxCoRyShIeLdSxx Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Student Writer
:O

All I can say that it takes a lot to impress me and you my friend have just done that.

The concept is empathetic to the common alienated individual on this planet and can give them a feeling of reassurance that no matter who's out there in this world, they are not the only ones who wallow within distress. The meter felt a little awkward but it does not depreciate the imagery set in place for the poem; in fact, it gives the poem a spoken word vibe to it and that gives the poem a unique essence upon it. :)

Bottom line, great job. I see a lot of potential in your writing my friend; keep up the good work ;)
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much for the critique for the basic reason that you gave an in depth opinion which I really look forward to. And if you feel the meter awkward in places (1st stanza-2nd line and 2nd stanza-4th line may be examples) I would appreciate if you point that out although that would be as if asking for a professional criticism. And I am really glad you liked it and rather intimidated of what to put up next in case it does not meet up to standards! ;)

thanks again :D
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:iconraen86:
raen86 Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2012
I love this. It reminds me of Dorian Gray.
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks Raen (hope you don't mind my calling you that :) ). And being compared to Dorian ray (which I have not read surprisingly) means a lot to me :)

thank you!
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:iconraen86:
raen86 Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012
Of course you can call me that XD

Do read it, because it's a really good novel!
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
lol thanks. Yes I will,I have heard a lot of it :)
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