literature

The child in ragged shorts: We share the food

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Literature Text

The woman placed the candle on the small, creaking table and the small room she was sitting in came into view. There was a single chair, a battered mattress and a depression in the mud crafted wall, serving the purpose of a shelf. That was all that room contained. Their whole house consisted of this room and a small backyard.

The child in ragged shorts entered the room, pulling aside the hanging cloth that much like the one hung at the main entrance outside, did nothing more than to keep mosquitoes outside. It didn't serve that purpose well.

"Sit down dear, mama managed to get a treat today" the woman said, smiling warmly at the child as she held the small bag in front of the candle for the boy to see.

"It is a lot mama! Should we save some for the morning?" He asked, sitting next to her, bathing in the candle light. He was what most people would say a malnourished child with a poor sense of hygiene but for his mother he could not get any beautiful. She brushed away some sand from his face.

"You washed your hands dear?"

"Yes mama I did" he smiled with his eyes shut; he truly was beautiful, she thought.

"Well then, lets eat" She said and they read the Bismillah prayer together. The woman divided the broth into three rations; one she gave to her son, a small portion she took out for herself and the rest she packed away. They took one roti each.

Just before the boy started his meal, he heard a slight whimper and he stopped. The sound was coming from outside.

"What is it dear?" the woman asked oblivious to the sound.

The boy looked at his mother and without explaining, dashed outside, picking his plate with him. The woman raised a hand but lowered it knowing well enough that he had this strange habit of investigating the slightest of disturbance outside, be it a bat or just the wind telling its tales.

She waited a full minute or two before he returned his plate half empty. She gasped.

"Where did the food go?" She exclaimed.

"I gave it to the dog that was lying outside. It looked hungry" he said, his words straightforward with no tinge of fear of getting scolded. His mother looked at him; she was the least angry, just confused.

"But dear" she said as he sat down again "we cant feed every dog that comes here can we? Look you barely have enough food to eat!" she spoke with anxiety in her voice rather than displeasure.

"Mama" he chuckled slightly "I don't eat much! This is enough for me. And…" he took a morsel of the broth which was rather well cooked "…When I found the dog, it had puppy rubbing its head on its neck. It seemed that mama dog was unable to bring food for her baby this night" he said, unknowingly contrasting two situations that his mother noted instantly. She smiled.

"So…"

"So I gave it the meat from my stew" he said through a full mouth and his mother laughed a bit and pinched his little cheeks.

"That was so sweet of you dear" she said softly.

He just giggled shyly.The woman sighed; she could only thank God that even in such poverty she was able to instill love and care in her child's heart.

After a moment the boy frowned slightly and staring at his mother, asked:

"Mama, I heard many people die of hunger. Some are as rich as we are. But we don't get hungry. Why mama?"

The woman patted his head, smiling at the innocence in his words and wanting to put it simply said:

"It is because we share the food"
Another work in the series, it is based on the "blessing" of sharing things. While many may debate with the theme being put out incorrectly, I think the concept of getting more when you share the little you have is true (feel free to differ, just do so politely)

Also Bismillah prayer is one to be recited by Muslims before each meal. Not mandatory but it is there.

I hope you like it; I feel it was missing quite a lot but I cant pinpoint it. I hope you can :)

The other parts in the series are:
The child in ragged shorts: The special day [link]
The child in ragged shorts: Broth and beggar [link]
The child in ragged shorts: The bicycle [link]

Also critiques would be welcome. For a person solely reading this, I would like to know:

1. did this in itself make a fine story line or was there a lot of confusion?

2. Does the story have any emotional value. It doesn't have to make you cry but does it make you feel anything?

3. Does it convince the reader to read the other parts as well?

4. Any general improvements you would want to give.


Thank you!
Comments20
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QuirkyCuriousBex's avatar
Reminds me of a quote by Leonard Nimoy: "The miracle is this--the more we share, the more we have." One of my absolute favorites. :D

As for your questions:

1. As someone who has not read the other parts of the series, I can honestly say that this in and of itself makes a fine story. In fact, I didn't even know that it was part of a series until I got to the author's note. :)

2. It definitely does have emotional value. I could have done with a bit more description (what are the mother and son wearing? How hot or cold is it inside their house?), but all in all, this is a very touching piece.

3. I'm pretty convinced. ;)

4.  Mostly grammatical. You have some missing commas, primarily in your dialogue. For future reference, whenever you have dialogue followed by a dialogue tag (he said, she said, etc.), you separate them by a comma, as well as the quotation marks.

For example: "So I gave it the meat from my stew" he said through a full mouth

This should be written: "So I gave it the meat from my stew," he said through a full mouth

You also need a comma if your dialogue follows the dialogue tag.

Example: "Mama" he chuckled slightly "I don't eat much!

This should be written: "Mama," he chuckled slightly, "I don't eat much!

If you have any questions on grammar, feel free to send them my way. I'm always happy to help and I'm pretty good with grammar. :D Anyway, good story you've got here. I thoroughly enjoyed it.