I am a lonely bag who is pondering over the magnitude of your work, good human.

Thus I write this critique about this... almighty... hold on a minute, my english will let me down....

I understood the story! I will not talk about it because it was something as great... as a bag in a bag that sprouts the bag...

it is the story of the Sack, Sackarazu Bagagei... It, once upon a time, lived in seclusion, away from the furthest of the furthest parts of life where there was none save it to spare thought to the dwindling reality of its kind... hence, spoke to the sack, that the sack must elope to the dark side... and embrace destiny as the leader of the sacking... but light prevailed... and the goodness in the sack helped the sack to overcome the darkness within (notwithstanding the fact that Sackarazu would die from carrying wheat in excess amounts during the age of baggage, but who gives a bag about a sack anyway), and returning back to the baggage town from whence the sack came, it found a new meaning... a new life.. a new purpose...

now, onward to the critique:

1. Since it is a poem to be formatted, do critique on the formatting with the story.

It is formatted fine.

2. Now ignoring the formatting, did you enjoy the work (copy onto Word if you want).

I understood the story well: My personal favorite was the bells (ah, Poe is always popular, especially among the pouches *bag nod*) and the sky. The angel and the devil filled their rolls well, coming and going when need be; however the girl was the most poignant... sadly, she did not have a bag, because her tears would be wasted away as they were flowing out... we could have preserved them.

3. Was the storyline vague or did it register well?

Sackarazu Bagagei

4. Any favorite line/portion you may have?

She laughed and she cried as bells jingled around
the angels too smiled at such merry a sound.
The door was wide open; warmth openly spread.
Fresh sprouts bloomed anew from the withered flowerbed.
for the raven did not quote: Nevermore!

5. General comments.

You are now awarded a watch from this bag. Bravo.

First and foremost, this piece contains a rather inspiring atmosphere for all of its initial foreboding tone.

Now, on to the crux of the matter, this critique (as usual) will be taken stanza by stanza. This is including any suggestions or concerns about formatting and mechanics or grammar issues.

A general rule when using formatting in a literary work: every formatting has a meaning, or image, attached to it. Bold, for example means strength, or heavy emphasis. Bold words or phrases tend to attract the readers' eyes first and should be used sparingly. Italics on the other hand symbolize gentle characteristics or motions and can be used more often throughout a work. The other varied formatting (i.e. subscript, strike through, superscript, underlining, size differentiation, and intermediate spacing) also have their own usages but are more self-explanatory.

Within the first line of the piece, revisions can be made. First, breezed may be italicized for a more visual effect. In addition, the bold can be removed from waving and subscript and superscript alternately added to the characters in an effort to mimic waves.

Now, continuing to the next line, tinkle's effect is fine although the use of a bold devil's is questionable. However, that is not the main concern. "A tinkle did sound as bells from the devil's lair/rang" reads with a rhythm that runs together, the first few words weigh heavily on the tongue, heavier than should be for a gentle sound. A possible solution could be to rewrite the line with a sound to aid the gentle rhythm: "The tinkle of bells danced from the devil's lair/ringing..."

The rest of the stanza reads fine, but if taking into account this is a formatted poem, verbs matter more than usual when writing a literary piece. Wind doesn't really course or past an object unless it is traveling through an object, rather, it glides or flies. [aimed toward "chilling the wind that coursed" in the third and fourth lines]


Bolding the word "brazen" in the first line of the second stanza is understandable, but what is the point of subscripting it? Not only that, it seems as if there is a pause missing between "the brazen hue of dust" and "preserving memories of bliss".

The formatting of soft and wavering kiss is also a quandary. Why subscript soft instead of merely italicizing it; moreover, why use intermediate spacing onand italicize wavering when wavering is shaky or unsure. Perhaps making "wavering" a smaller size and bold to emphasize the level of uncertainty would have a clearer meaning?

The purpose of a word stricken through is to show a rushed, uncertain atmosphere; however, the placement of yet seems out of place, maybe even superfluous. The line would actually read smoother without the word placed in the piece at all.


The third stanza has a comparatively smaller number of concerns. The primary issue is the formatting of the first line, is there a reason "black...gloom" is all in bold? What purposed does it serve?

Within the second line, the first comma should be removed. The entire line is a single thought [or is it?], to separate it only chops the thought in two, breaking the rhythm.

The "to" at the beginning of the third line is unnecessary as the second line is simply a metaphor and does not break the meaning of the sentence. Read as a single sentence, the first and third lines doe not need the prior "to".

The final line reads fine.


The first two lines of the fourth stanza read fine, expect as the second line flows into the third at which the pause becomes cumbersome and its presence unneeded.

As the end of the third line approaches, the meaning looses its clarity. What exactly is remaining a desert and not dying?

Once again, the final line reads fine.


The only concern within the fifth stanza is the double use of wither in the final line. Changing the second wither[ed] to dying or blackening(greying)(browning)(the latter three colors of a dying flower) would stop a possible issue from occurring. However, the use could be seen as emphasis so alteration is up to you.

Shook within line 1 of stanza 6 should switch positions with laugh and the formatting revised.

There should be some sort of pause after the "alas" in the third line.

Stanza seven contains a few possible problems. To begin, the first part of the line one needs to be revised, it is currently grammatically incorrect. "Yet again a twinkle.." or "A twinkle yet again" and depending on which resolution chosen (if any), the second part would have to change as well. "...sounded, ringing of hope" or "hummed of hope" respectively provide possible companions to the earlier solutions.

The second line is fine but for a single question: who do the angels get eloped with? Although, this is more a personal curiosity than a concern.

The third and fourth lines read fine, but a simple change can be made to line three to smooth its rhythm. The semicolon may be removed and "it blew" changed to "blowing".


The "in" within the first line of the second to last stanza is technically not needed although it is normally a personal opinion of whether to include it and a pause between "the light" and "peering in" would be helpful to the reader.

A semicolon seems to long of a pause in the last line, a simple comma would help the rhythm much more.

The final stanza reads well, though the use of around could be modified whether through the earlier words or the word itself.

In addtion, the double use of spread within the third line is bothersome. Modifying either use would be helpful.

The formatting of the final line doesn't do much for the poem itself. Removing the bold (and the "had"...another personal opinion) and enlisting in another formatting device would perhaps help bring the ending home.

Now, that all of the formatting and critique is done, I may give you my personal opinion:

This poem is completely and utterly wonderful. I love the meaning behind and the possible symbolism. All the mistakes and things mentioned above are semantics, the poem is plenty good with them included. Although, having gone through the entire poem in such a manner, I cannot say I have a favorite line!

I understand the meaning, although the ending is a bit of a let down, I expecting something ....climatic.

The rhyming is also a nice touch; although forced at times, it brings a lightened feeling to the piece.

All in all, I highly enjoyed this piece.