literature

The lily in the lake

Deviation Actions

Published: Aug 1, 2012

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Literature Text

There was grief in the air. The old mansion resonated with whimpers and cries. The staircase shook while the railing rattled. Floorboards groaned while the doorways moaned in agony. But alas it was the fate of those who lived in the house. And this fate had been determined years ago…

In the main living room, a young couple collapsed on the marble floor, tears flooding their eyes, as they grasped tightly onto a picture of a little blonde girl wearing thick glasses and smiling widely, showing off her braces. People around them tried to lighten their whimpers but it was in vain.

The sky cried that day. It too was sorrowful.

It was due to the shock of a tragedy like this occurring. No one knew what had happened. Perhaps, had anyone noticed a small Diary lying near the lake that was situated behind the old construction, they might have known.

It just lay there. The rain had bled the ink that recorded the small scribbles of an eight year old girl.

Yet if one could read what was last written in it, they would read:

Dear Diary,

Today we make our way to the lake behind my new home which is very big but very old. It looks like no one lived here for many years. Mommy and daddy told me not to go there and study in my room but I had to. You know I had to right?

The water is very cold when I felt it. Even in summers it is so cold. I sit down as you lie open beside me. I hope no rain comes or you would become wet. And I won't have any friend anymore.

I look in the lake. It has many pretty water lilies in it but it is very still. I ask:

"Hello"

The lake does not answer. Maybe it does not like me.

"I heard that there was a little girl who lived in this house many years ago. Is that true?"

The lake does not answer again.

"Do you know what she was like?"

A small, yellow water lily moves slightly and small ripples form. It is very pretty. I smile.

"So she had golden hair and was very pretty? I have golden hair too! But I don't know if I am very pretty. Only mommy and daddy say that. Do you know anything else?"

The ripples settle and I see my reflection.

"Ah, she was the same age as me? Did she have many friends?"

I wait for the lake to tell me but nothing happens. The lily stays there away from the other lilies. I understand and nod.

"She was lonely wasn't she? She had no friends. I have no friends too, only my diary. All kids make fun of my braces. No one shares lunch with me. She was like me. Why did she have no friends?"

The yellow water lily comes near me and I pick it up. Few petals are missing from it.

"Oh something was wrong with her? I want to know. I want to know whether she had braces too whether she had big glasses too. All children call my glasses ugly"

The lake does not answer. Maybe it does not want to tell me. I put the lily back in the water.

"Did her parents love her?"

The yellow water lily moves towards the other lilies but it is pushed away by the wind. I smile again.

"Her parents did not talk to her much right? They wanted her to study. My parents also want me to get grades. But she liked to do something else?"

The lily swirls around as it moves further. I clap my hands.

"Aha! She wanted to dance? She must look so pretty! I like to write in my diary. I cannot dance"

The lily twirls further away.

"What was her…? Ah, my name is Lily too"

I think of another question to ask the lake. It is getting late too as dark clouds are coming above me.

"I heard she drowned herself in this lake. Is that true?"

The lake does not answer.

Was she so lonely that she drowned herself here?"

The lake does not answer.

"Was she tired of being bullied in school and left alone in home?"

The lake does not answer.

"Was she sad that she always failed and everyone made fun of her?"

It starts to rain. Oh diary it is falling on you! But I need one more answer diary just one more! Trust me diary just one more answer!

"This is my last question oh lake! Did that little girl finally find peace with you?"

The lake whispers in a small voice.

"Yes"

I am sorry diary. You have been my best friend for so long. But diary I am sorry. I have to find peace too. I know our friendship was very small. I wanted to grow up and tell you so many things! But I cannot do that now. I hope you will find a better friend than me.

Goodbye Diary"

Inside the house, the weeping parents stared at the portrait of their little girl. They couldn't understand what had happened, what led to her cold, limp, smiling body floating on the surface.

The chandelier swung slightly as thunder sounded above. The swinging light showed a dusty portrait that had been hanging in the house for many years. As the parents cried and the weeping relatives and acquaintances held them close, no one noticed the dusty portrait of a small blonde girl smiling as she sat in a wheelchair. Behind the girl was a peaceful lake with waterlilies in it. A single word beneath it read:

"Lily"

My submission (I hope it is in time) for the summer contest by Daily Lit Deviations [link]

Word count 945 words.

I had the idea VERY quickly and I hope that it meets the theme of the contest. I tried to make it a match but most of my ideas are strange. I don't know if it will make me win but here it is. (I also dunno if it will NOW be accepted or not)

For critique:

1. does the story in the form of diary seem right? If not then please give suggestions.

2. Does the language of the girl seem reasonable for an eight year old?

3. Did the Lily fulfill its purpose well or does it seem too exaggerated?

4. Does the "yes" invoke any feel?

5. Did the ending wrap the doubts well?

Thank you!

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