Sta.sh
Nature is a name enshrouded in mystery. Some say it possesses a unique mind of its own and devises plans humans would be incapable of doing. It has secrets that are beyond comprehension of mortals. Yet at times, nature allows such secrets to be unveiled by a select few humans. One of such secrets is True Silence.
Silence
It was a still night – too still in fact. The overgrown pine trees lining the driveway rustled not the slightest, looming over, resembling silent guardians. The eerie northern winds along with its wailing notes had settled as dust in perforated holes behind door frames remained untouched. The wilderness too hushed as bats fled the area and grasshoppers and crickets bounded off, reclining from the aura that surrounded that house. If preciseness be employed then; that house on that very night.
While nature prepared its festivities for the next few moments, a girl lay under covers of a comfortable double bed, slowly noticing all familiar sounds around her diminish slowly till she was veiled in silence.
Silence
She kept still; not the slightest shift she took that broke the peace. Her heart thumped hard, yet quietly in her fragile chest, hushing up. Her breath was steady but it caught in her lungs for moments in which nothing moved inside the house. The swings of the crystal chandelier died out, scurrying insects buried into tiny fissure, the swaging tail of the Persian feline gradually steadied. For a few brief moments was ensured a brief moment of silence.
True Silence
Silence that reminds not one of the rustling paper…
silence that reminds not of the uninvited footstep closing on your door…
silence that reminds not of the knife thrusting in ones chest…
It was supposedly silence that weights itself upon you and suffocates till you cannot breathe. Yet the girl lying in her room realized at that moment that this supposition was nothing but a lie. A big white lie for she heard. She heard not in the silence but silence itself.
Silence
She heard strumming. Quick plucking as if sticky fingers of a professional danced at the fantasies that slumber deep in the artist's core, awakening once in a while to produce magic. Behind it prodded high and low, a sweet hum.
Excitement
She heard fluttering. Breezy flaps delicately paving way through the wind unto thirsty ears craving to know of the arrival of something beautiful and delicate as a butterfly in the world. Behind it prodded high and low, a sweet hum.
Joy
She heard thrashing. Wild intentions of nature let unto the world to be seen in the waves of the ocean as they rear high, thundering down on the shore, boasting both magnificence and power. Behind it prodded high and low, a sweet hum.
Anger
She heard rustling. Flaunting their spiraling paths, traced with beauty as their guide and the wind as their bearer, the autumn leaves fall off the boughs, accumulating on the leaf sprinkled earth. Behind it prodded high and low a sweet hum.
Sorrow
She heard a sweet hum. Devoid of an instrument it played, devoid of a medium it conveyed, devoid of a partner it swayed.
Silence
She had witnessed melody; the tune of her excitement, the peace of her joy, the thunder of her anger and the patience in her sorrow. She had heard them and yet not heard them for she heard them within true silence.
The silence vanished. The wind blew strong waking the house to creaking moans. The pine trees rustled as if whispering secrets. Bats shrieked in the neighboring skies. The crickets returned to their mating grounds. The tail flicked, chandelier swung, heart started beating and a sigh escaped, everything turned normal.
The girl realized then what true silence was. It was when ones inner emotions pluck at their instruments, letting one know the essence that resides in their heart. That essence is what distinguishes every person.
Yet as she lay there she was unable to decide upon the hum that sounded behind each emotion. It felt strangely familiar… like a fleeting smile of a loved one while they whisper "I will be back" and they never are… She shuddered at the memory and hugged her teddy bear before closing her eyes and wishing that the melancholic hum inside her heart was a recreation of the silence around her.
Alas nature works in mysterious ways.
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2. At first glance, I was hesitant to start, because the longer a text is, the less likely I am to read it. But once I started reading, I got pulled into the words and began reciting them out loud to better grasp them.
3. To me, the writing and words used was great. It painted a clear picture in my mind of the scene, and it sent a slight, constant shiver down my spine as the words sunk-in and I understood them.
4. I enjoyed the ending, though personally I would have used a different finishing line. Such as "Once the world quiets, you can hear your true self." or something similar.
5. Fantastic work. It made me remember several moments late at night when I felt on the verge of finally hearing what it is to hear nothing, though sadly those were cut short do to my dogs... However, the combined experiences of those close realizations makes me wonder what it was I would have heard in those truly silent moments. Would it be who I truly am? Would it be something life changing and inspirational? Or would it be something dark and frightening? Reading this, I crave the knowledge that True Silence can bring.
I am pleased that the language also appealed to you and I hope that you are able to listen to what I was able to that one time. I have only once... literally for a moment been able to experience true silence.
P.S I will properly critique your works soon enough as well, I just have a lot of other works to go through at the moment so I aplogize for that.
And I am honestly a bit jealous you had the experience of true silence. I cannot find the right environment to listen to the symphony of silence as it properly deserves, though part of me believes I may have experienced it (I cannot properly recall). So many people today are too obsessed with sound, with noise, with movement. Very few people appreciate what it means to slow down and just listen, even if there is nothing to listen to. I believe silence is much more profound than sound, since it can be filled with so much more.
True. Silence holds more to me than sound. Silence holds truth that sounds cannot convey and you are right in being doubtful over whether you actually did manage to hear true silence or not
Just feeling like I was near that silence is really good enough for me. You cannot force something profound like that to happen.
Though you wrote "silence that weights itself upon you and suffocates till you cannot breathe" and continued to say "Yet the girl lying in her room realized at that moment that this supposition was nothing but a lie." For me, I recall feeling that in the moment I believe I neared silence.
The idea of silence to me was not of suffocation... it didn't weigh on me. It was silence which I heard. Kind of hard to put forward
It is hard to keep up with giving feedback to all the artists on DA, and its even harder for me to keep that feedback from sounding like a broken record. So I'll read or look at works repeatedly as I comment, so as to not give repeated feedback to multiple people. Their effort deserves more than a standard "good work" anyone can hand out.
2. It held a lot of interest. I found it rather exciting that you included different human emotions, or feelings. Such as Joy
3. The language, or the way you had written this is very soft, but flows very nicely.
4. You wrapped this well with a final statement
5. Haha, I continually thought of my own way of breaking silence with music instruments. That requires emotion, so I felt emotion drawn to this writing.
6. I though it was amazing
Keep writing awesomely
wow! A 4.5 is huge! Most people give me 3 or 3.5. Thanks a lot
Thank you for your appreciation, I am glad you liked it. It is based on... a true experience. There is a bit extra written near the end but otherwise it is true