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Literature by Sammur-amat


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Submitted on
October 17, 2012
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The breeze tousles through the night and his hair.
He sits in expectance for her to come here;
waiting for her to come this way.

Like that first time; her footsteps echoed so loud.
In a night as such not even the moon could be proud.
An ethereal glow she emitted, an embodying light.
The wind ruffled her black locks like an angel in flight.

Her breath was a sanctifying whisper of life
and her dress; oh a woven fabric of natures device.
Her soft traces upon the earth would have grown
the fruit bearing brushwood, piercing through a stone.

The hair settled; the wings retreated, her eyes slowly set
on a young boy tending tulips. Their gaze just then met.
He stared; what else could he do; she stood a little away.
The moon too curtsied to her outlining her portrait.

He stood tranquil, the tulip yet held in his hand.
She smiled and approached like a being with command.
She took the tulip, sniffing in its fragrance, sighing so deep,
the earth purred in compliance underneath her feet.

She smiled, oh a smile so knowing, yet so sad.
Unaware then he was of what was driving her mad.
She returned far 'way to her manor; he stood still.
She placed the tulip in an empty bowl on her window sill;
alas her draining life was now being filled.

The gardener was oblivious of her and her wealth,
her dwelling, her origin; her incurable health.
What he knew was that this girl shall come everyday
and pick a tulip off his garden, she surely will come his way.

The moonlight's placid reflection she was.
Stayed a fullmoon from then onwards, denying all laws.
She appeared through the mist like those sprites of old tales;
forcing sailors through nights to unclasp their sails.

She shall sway to and fro with a smile but no laugh.
He shall point out the best tulips on her behalf.
She shall glance at him and knowingly hide her face
He shall turn while she enfolds the tulip in her grace.

Then suddenly one night, the echoes disappeared.
The night was so empty, the angel's wrath the boy feared.
He waited till late till the moon too resigned
a tulip in one hand, till the sun rose behind.

With uneasiness like a ripple disturbing a pond,
the boy sat that noon, his mind far beyond
the realms of his peace, the confinement of his verve
this foliage of his, an illustrious oeuvre.

He wondered and pondered and wondered again,
whether the skylark shall sing ever again.
He knew not too, where the skylark perched;
thus his mind yearned escape but he couldn't abide by this urge.

So he waited for days, oh for months, no, for years;
feverishly tending tulips which he knew pulled her here.
Beside the gate he sat hoping to see in the haze
her ethereal glow; he sat waiting for her to come this way.

To again stand beside with no words to be said
as she moves so sleekly admiring the tulip bed.
To witness a reach with so tender a touch
and pluck a tulip as delicate as her; was this asking too much?

But the culprit named hope forced the poor boy indeed;
to his allies, reason and time he gave little heed.
Till his ears too gave up on him, his hair too grew thin.
Yet his eyes stayed with him, so did his aching heart within.

If only he could see in the mountains behind
where hidden in depths a forsaken manor you'll find
of its loftiest towers, on the window sill
a bowl was placed which withered tulips now filled.

After many a year…
The breeze still tousles through the night and his hair.
With a tulip in one hand, he sits in expectance,
waiting for her to come this way.
:bulletgreen:What is love? Is it really the aura emitting from a couple huddled in a dark corner? Or two people who fell in love due to greed of money or perhaps status, hiding daggers through physical lust? Or perhaps it is something more subtle? This has always intrigued me. How people interpret love.

:bulletgreen:For me love is a feeling of completion, a serene comfortableness that escalates over physical bonds, physical ecstasy, physical "love". It does not mean you have to marry the other person or have to be in a "relationship". Love requires only presence.

:bulletgreen:This is my birthday gift to everyone reading this work... personally one of my most favorite works but that is my own opinion. For those who would be kind enough to answer a few questions:
.
.
.
There are no questions in this work. Just give your honest opinion, perhaps a bit detailed one over its emotional value and quality. Thank you for reading.

Edit: Thank you for the DLD! It means a lot!
Add a Comment:
 
:iconshehrozeameen:
The opening of this wondrous ballad is, after reading "A Quill's Lament", a wonderful opening. I certainly enjoy its approach.

However, there are certain periods in which regression starts to set in.

The hair settled; the wings retreated, her eyes slowly set
on a young boy tending tulips. Their gaze just then met.
He stared; what else could he do; she stood a little away.
The moon too curtsied to her outlining her portrait.


It is an eerie and, suffice to say, brilliant presentation. But that's the problem: its unsettling.

But then again, the story of a boy who is "waiting for her to come this way" is in essence an unsettling story. Where "Hope" and "Time" and "Reason" (they are proper nouns, might I add) are mere figurines lauding the boy into forsaking his plight (read: kid, she isn't coming, let it go) but his aghast unbecoming self refutes this dire cataclysm which threatens to shatter his fragile form (read: he refuses to believe them, and waits for her to come his way) as the bounties of nature continue to foster the unsettling void into consuming our hero's doubts (read: her fate is unknown; so is the boy's; and thus it is an open ending).

What did I learn after reading this? That this is a good ballad - not a Wordsworth or a Coleridge, but closer to the cyclical nature of Graham or Hardy, with a touch of Yeats and Elliot setting in. Worth the read.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconpuzzledheartbox:
A poem that describes the tenderness and delicate beauty of a fleeting lover’s kiss.. alas not a kiss in this poem, but a tulip that could serve the same purpose. It’s that one moment where both could see each other both desired for the moment, one more than the other.

The boy somehow a silent lover, stoic, enduring, waiting for her return, alas she passed away without a single word, he becomes much like the tulips she gathered over time.. he withers under her absence and suffers due to this kind of love.

The first 4 stanzas really hit home for me, they completely convinced me in the grandeur that is this poem.

All by all a very emotive poem, where sadness over shrouds it all.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconslipcast-chrysalism:
slipcast-chrysalism Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
The starting could be better. 

For me, the flow broke a few times in between but other than that, great work! Beautifully constructed and carried forward! Also, very tragic! :clap:
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! It really means a lot! I personally am fine with the starting but I think that you are right about the flow - this is quite old and so there are a few issues :hmm: I DID write a rework but I have seen people preferring simple versions of my works ^^; like I did a rework of "The lilies she lent".

Thank you very much for the fav! I am glad it was tragic :)
Reply
:iconslipcast-chrysalism:
slipcast-chrysalism Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
In the end it is all about preference! :)

No problem. :)
Reply
:icongingersanps:
Gingersanps Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This was truly beautiful. I enjoyed reading it. I definitely see the resemblances between the two stories. I'm not one to read much poetry, but this was well written and flowed nicely. 

I also agree on your view of love. Love isn't really an emotion. It's a state of mind. (Yeah, I know. It's weird to think of it that way.) You grow to understand it --- it's not something you know as soon as you're born. 

Thanks for allowing me to read it. :love: 
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Also - I totally agree with the concept of love. It IS a state of mind and not an emotion as such.
Reply
:icongingersanps:
Gingersanps Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:nod: Supposedly, if you manage to survive 5 years with your partner then the relationship is less likely to broken. Anthropology at its finest. So yeah, you have to work at it. 
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I see. That was some serious stuff right? Ah well... I haven't been in a relationship so I cannot say. But 5 years does sound reasonable!
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much for your comment :huggle: it means a lot and you don't have to thank me :heart:

The characters, both, their state of mind and interaction feels so similar to me :) I would love to see your opinion in other works if possible :huggle: At the same time, I would fish your gallery! :fish: :iconfishingplz: although me commenting on your works is not a bargain for you to comment - I appreciate it if you do and am totally fine if you don't :heart:
Reply
:icongingersanps:
Gingersanps Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I love if you took a look through my gallery. As for the commenting, I comment on pieces that I feel I must comment on. If that makes any sense. So yeah, I'll be happy to look through your other works. 
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
 totally understand and respect that :) I would however still fish through your gallery when I can :D
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:icongingersanps:
Gingersanps Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:) 
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2013   General Artist
Hello there, dear heart. :huggle:
I've used this piece's title in my title poem over HERE: [link] :la:
I hope you enjoy the read! :love:
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Sorry for the late reply! I will read it properly but it looks quite amazing already :love: Thank you for using one of my titles :huggle:
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner May 5, 2013   General Artist
Gosh, thank you so much for being such a supportive and incredibly talented friend! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Eh your response seems a bit too hyper and exaggerated regarding my services but I am thankful for it :tighthug:
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013   General Artist
:heart:
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013   General Artist
Congratulations on the DLD, dear friend! :huggle:
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much! I really appreciate it :heart:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013   General Artist
You are most welcome! :heart:
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by =DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here: [link]

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article. Keep writing and keep creating.
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I shall and thank you very much for the feature :aww: I cannot explain how happy I am!
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:iconnoblevoyager:
noblevoyager Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012  Student Writer
I absolutely enamor your writing style. The words you chose, the way you phrased each line, the way you crafted the whole poem - it was just so beautiful. I loved how you mirrored the ending with the beginning. It somehow reminded me of my "Sky World" poem. To tell you the truth, I had to read your poem multiple times before I could really understand it. It was just so... deep, for the lack of a better word. One thing that kind of bothered me though is the inconsistency of the number of lines in some of the stanzas. (ex. The first stanza has 3 lines, the fifth stanza had 5 lines, while the rest had 4.) Well, that's just me. I don't know if that was really your intention, but if it is, then it's completely fine.

Another thing that I would like to point out is your interpretation of love. "Love is a feeling of completion, a serene comfortness that escalates over physical bonds, physical ecstacy, physical "love". It does not mean you have to marry the other person or have to be in a "relationship". Love requires only presence." I don't have anything against that, for I respect your opinion. But I would like to share what I feel LOVE is. For me, love does not only require the presence of the other. Love isn't just a feeling. Love is a decision and a commitment. Yeah, sure, lovers can be there for each other... the other can be present and vice versa... but it isn't limited to just that. They can CHOOSE to be there for each other until death or... they can choose to be there for each other for a short period of time only. They complete one another by CHOOSING to hold hands and journey together 'til death... not by just gazing at each other's eyes. That's just my opinion. ^_^

Overall, I love this poem. I admire your writing style very much. Keep it up! :)
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much for the in-depth and sweet comment you have given :huggle:

Ah yes, the technique does match your Sky world :) I hope that its depth is a positive aspect rather than a negative one. The inconsistency... well the first and last are 3 lines. The rest are four. It is consistent in that way. BUT... there is a 5 line stanza, which I will count as the inconsistency :nod: I just didn't want to squeeze too much together.

Ah well we don't have that different perspectives over love ^^; for you there has to be a commitment... for me, the feeling of having the others presence is sort of a commitment to be there always. But I disagree with holding hands till death. es, helping at times, but that for me is a very congested portion of love. But then again opinions differ :aww:

Thank you and I am glad that you enjoyed the work! Oh and Thank you for the WATCH! I really appreciate it and hope that I don't disappoint you!
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:iconnoblevoyager:
noblevoyager Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012  Student Writer
Understood. You're welcome! :)
Reply
:iconlightoverpowers58:
LightOverpowers58 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Student Writer
My critique is coming later but....you have been feature here.
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
aww... you truly are a sweet person :tears: :tighthug: Thank you so much!
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:iconlightoverpowers58:
LightOverpowers58 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Student Writer
:blush: You are welcome!
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Waiting for your critique on this one too :huggle:
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:icondarkallegiance666:
darkallegiance666 Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2012
This is really beautiful - honestly beautiful.
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I am glad that you feel that way about it and I think there is little improvement that you will comment on?
Reply
:iconmrs-freestar-bul:
Mrs-Freestar-Bul Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It's beautiful :) You know there isnt a bad poem, poems are always beautiful the way we express them. Just for me I prefer more metaphor and more imagery it gives your verses that magic poetry is supposed to hold. So I would say more images and metaphors your poems would be perfect :)
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
THank you for giving your opinion over this work :) I will keep that in mind. I do realize that my works usually hold more story and perhaps expressions and metaphors merged eithin them. I will try going for more metaphors as well :nod:
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:iconmrs-freestar-bul:
Mrs-Freestar-Bul Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That would be awesome.
Reply
:iconblacklily02:
BlackLily02 Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Student Writer
I loved the use of metaphor's here it gave the poem more life and emotion, i loved the line 'Her breath was a sanctifying whisper of life' it was my faviourte line. Your work is so well written and emotional. :)
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
aww :tighthug: thank you very much for your kind words! They mean a lot to me! The concept of this poem was simple so I tried my best to present it well... I am glad it worked out for you :aww:
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:iconblacklily02:
BlackLily02 Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Student Writer
You welcome i found it beautiful :)
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:iconphobicangels23:
Phobicangels23 Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
This is truly beautiful, and I think it's one of my favourite poems of yours now. I love the rhyme scheme and the story you tell is just pure magic.
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I am glad that you like it that much :huggle: Thank you for your kind words and the favorite :heart: It means a lot to me! and like I mentioned in the description it is also one of my favorite works ^^
Reply
:iconsilvergabetha834:
silvergabetha834 Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012  Professional General Artist
This is beautifully written. I felt for the boy and his plight. So sweet and unrequited. I genuinely enjoyed this piece.
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much! Your comment especially means a lot to me :huggle:
Reply
:iconlaeneris:
Laeneris Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012  Student Writer
*sigh* The first and last time I truly fell in love was 5 years ago. It wasn't pleasant, not like the fairytale I imagined it to be... despite that I try to keep looking at love with a positive attitude. :) I think it's when you are with someone, and you just know it's right. I could never explain it, but I think 'upgraded best friend' would work somewhat. You know you can tell them everything, and that they love you no matter what happens.

I don't think love requires 'physical presence,' unless the lover is the jealous type. In that case, it will be hard to stay together either way. ^^;

Anyway, now to the poem~ :dummy: The general vibe I got from this piece was 'haunting.' For some reason I imagined the girl to be quite scary. :nuu: But then I read it again, and again, I think I now capture the sadness this piece bears. Some people really will wait forever, I myself am no exception, so in that regard this was a little bit painful to read...

My favourite lines this time:
But the culprit named hope forced the poor boy indeed;
to his allies, reason and time he gave little heed.
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for sharing your experience and your detailed critique as well ^^ it means a lot to me :huggle:

aww your story itself was sad :tears: you can write on it you know :D but first come give me a hug :tighthug: I hope that made you feel better :aww: and yes... in love it is just as if everything is... alright.

funny thing... I have never fallen in love :D never onece :la: :nuu:

I am glad yet surprised that the first vibe you got was haunting. Actually that IS the sort of vibe I hoped people would get alongside the main theme :D yes, sorrowful but also a bit... haunting perhaps. aww... people who have had such experience with love... I should not ask them to read this :D But I never considered the girl scary :D

I am sort of proud of those lines as well :) is that wierd? :O

Oh I also noticed your signature... :rofl:
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:iconlaeneris:
Laeneris Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Student Writer
*accepts hug* Yaaay :iconaawplz: I try not to write about it too much, because then I won't forget the bad things... however I have written more about it but never uploaded it. :XD:

Of course it's not weird to be proud of your own work! :aww: If anything, that's good. And thank you! :XD: I recently changed it to this one after I had the previous one for 3 years :meow:
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
yay! So... you forget bad things... actually people do that :D always intruiges me as to why :meow: and you don't have to upload it but people do like emotional stuff :huggle:

And... three years?!! I will change mine when I have uploaded a piece of which I am really proud.
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:iconlaeneris:
Laeneris Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Student Writer
I'll let you in on a little secret... :eyes: I did upload a few but they're all in Storage!

Yeah, you don't try to forget the bad things? o: I would never want to forget the happy memories, of course. But it'd be nice if the bad ones faded a bit.
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh are they? Well that is good enough :D I have many works I would want in storage so I can bring them out when I want to but that is the problem :( I don't want to have too many works in storage... makes mefeel uncomfortable.

I don't... helps me grow up :D
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:iconlaeneris:
Laeneris Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Student Writer
Why does it make you feel uncomfortable to put stuff in Storage? :noes:
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
hmm... dunno :woohoo: I would say that a person looking in my gallery seeing stuff in storage will not really like that :nuu:
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(1 Reply)
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2012   General Artist
I really enjoyed the rhythm in this piece, the flow is truly serene. Excellent job in creating a pleasant atmosphere with this read. :huggle:
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