Deviant Login Shop
 Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
The Tale of Lucifer and Constance by shehrozeameen

:iconnotensmsk:
Okay now how should I put it. I would prefer writing a critique in word format with each portion specifically. But for the purpose I will give my opinion.

Overall the tale of Lucifer and Constance, was quite wonderful. It had a mystical touch to it or perhaps it felt like it belonged to another world and not this one. Which it did and so congrats. It also instilled some of the entities that define Vigilum, its predecesor and so on. Well narrated, the langauge at times was beautiful. The expressions in places flowed from the tongue beatifully in both meaning and rhythm.

The fact that you integrated the essence of other works and themes as well was sort of appealing to me as well. They were integrated quite skillfully too.

I would have specifically pointed them out but that shall remain for the later critique. Now I will specifiy what I did not find perhaps very appealing.

The change in rhyming scheme. Sorry but the change did not suit me. I would have preferred a single rhythm to have continued ocross the span of the work. The multiple rhyming schemes were disctracting.

The introduction... didn't make much sense to me. Other than its last few stanza's. However, the rest did register well and I can see the appeal in the intro for some although I would ask you to keep in mind your target audience. I for one would not have read past the intro had there not been some expressions that were well crafted.

Also at times you have stretched it too much. That might be a personal opinion. I try to keep concise. At times when Lucifer dictated his leave from the Turz palace, I was sort of bored since he seemed to be repeating a lot. Constance's appearance was slightly vague but the rest registered well. Again after her arrival there seemed quite some repeating dialogues for me. Now I do realize that dialogues are not necessarily unique. Thus, it is a personal opinion.

Oh... so I did skip a few stanza's. Over all, I find before me a great piece written in the appropriate manner and of course I was expecting nothing less from Miss Talbot (tell me it is not a guy). I guess perhaps I would have to post something of similar proportions which I shall... BUT... there are quite a few things I did not like as stated ^^

Knowing me, you should not be disheartened since I did not explain or describe the positive aspects. You know me. I won't say work on it a lot and alter it... but the rhyming scheme did pose a major problem.
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

Comments


:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Four out of five is good enough.

Aurelia Talbot is a lady.

And so far as the rhyming is concerned... Alright, I'll find a solution towards it. You actually might like it *sniggering*
Reply
:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I did find the varying rhyming a bit troublesome or perhaps you might have earned half a star more. The repetition got the other half out.

Ah she is a lady :D
Reply
:iconshehrozeameen:
shehrozeameen Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Fair enough. I'll look into it. I have a few ideas I'll work on.

Yes, and not a bad one, really.
Reply
Add a Comment: