Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login

This was quite a nice work and I really enjoyed it. First, congrats on the DD. I would say that it really was worth it.

Now I won't critique stanza wise... I feel that not required here. Just a question before I start... you were inspired by the Raven either directly or indirectly? I feel that might be the case although it is in no way necessary.

Now onwards to the work. I like it. That is the most basic sentence. The rhyming scheme was enjoyable. It reminded me of Poe but the way the first 3 lines rhymed (varying in stanza's) and then there was assonance in one line... rhyme repeated and then rhyming with the assonance... it was enjoyable. It sounded aaabab with the first b having assonance.

It flowed off well in terms of meter and so technically, I found there nothing out of order. There were slight grammatical errors perhaps but to be honest I try to ignore ones that I feel the writer might have intended. Poetry shouldn't be that strict. The story is another thing that reminds me of Poe and the Raven specifically. I like it nevertheless and it follows quite well, and is not hard to understand. It has its foreboding feeling but for me it was shadowed by the "Raven" feel.

The varying stanza style was a bit of a distraction. In one there is aabab then aaabab and then aaaaabab. I felt the last one a bit awkward and it sort of disappointed me. But I guess it is a major portion of the story and you were unable to reduce it since you might have cut off some major areas that way.

Over all a fine work. Rhyming is well done (perhaps simple) but the scheme distracted me. Originality is a bit low due to it reminding me of Poe.
0 out of 0 deviants thought this was fair.


Anovoca Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013   Writer
Wow thank you so much for taking the time to write this, I feel terrible I had not seen it in time to accept it and give you a proper reply and thanks for your effort. Unfortunately I have been away from DA fighting a terrible flu virus going around.
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You are welcome :) no problem. You can accept it now right? I don't think it has expired yet! I hope you get well soon!
Add a Comment: